Bohemian Rhapsody
by lumecia
Summary: First meant to be an one-shot of Jesse's thoughts while singing that song, it turned out to a two-shot. Still obviously rry.
1. Chapter 1

**So, I kinda got infected by that desease named glee. I don't know how (well in fact I do:D) , because in Germany it just started -.-° (with the worst synchro ever -.- Kurt sounds that gay and snob…bah..and I can't stand Terri's voice….they both make me wanna break something XD (Especially since the Synchro of Kurt has a great voice, but tries to imitate that special way Chris speaks which sounds creepy-.-) Well, anyway I listened for like the last 2 weeks non-stop to the soundtrack and somehow that Bohemian Rhapsody cover wouldn't leave me alone- especially not after I watched the episode to which it belongs to. It was like "WOW o.0 That song is a summery of the whole Jesse/Rachel/Puck/Finn-relationship" Soooo….somehow I developed some ideas about what Jesse thinks while singing it. And since I don't really like neither Finnchel nor Puckleberry, I decided, that this would become a Story. I don't really like Rachel, but I like Jesse, so yey. (It didn't let me go) Also, I still not sure whether this is a one-shot or will become a multi-chapter kind of thing o.9 So tell me, I wanna know :D Oh, and I am no native speaker, so please excuse my mistakes (If someone likes to beta, feel free to tell me :D) . (Bahaaaaaa…..sorry for that monster of a A/N)**

**Disclaimer: **No, I don't own glee. Otherwise I wouldn't write fanfiction about it and there would also be no change of cast after the 2nd season. And no, neither does "Bohemian Rhapsody" belong to me. Of course it's owned by Queen:D

~.~

Bohemian Rhapsody

~.~

_Is this the real life?_  
_Is this just fantasy?_

His first thoughts after he had left her in that room in which all had changed. Did it really happen? Was she really that crazed about her reputation that she ignored everyone else? Did she really mess up things that badly that they hadn't even tried to work it out afterwards? Did she really turn their relationship down for her ego's sake? He had left the school immediately; had gotten into his car and then just driven, whithout a certain destination, always wondering whether it really had happened. He hadn't been sure, most of the time he believed himself to be dreaming and waking up soon. Had tried to declare it all as some bizarre scenario his brain had worked out at night, because of the presssure he had been put under during the days. – A nightmare.

_Caught in a landslide  
No escape from reality _

But then again he had rethought everything and decided that it could very likely happened, since she would do things like that withouth remorse or regret while facing the outcome. Well, at first. He wasn't sure whether she even had realized, during watching that aweful clip, how much tension suddenly had filled the room, leaving no space to breathe. It had happened, no doubt. Only she could have rendered him into such a mass, having his feelings shattered like a glass, left empty in the inside.

_Open your eyes  
Look up to the skies and see _

Why couldn't she have forseen it? Everyone else had understood what was happening, when the first change of lead was shown. Why couldn't she? Nobody else would have played their ex-partners against their boyfriend with whom they had a firm relationship to impress their fellow glee-club members who weren't even interested in any of it. He **had**opened his eyes; had been first of all shocked; speechless. – Their duet had been a reflex, nothing more or less. He had wanted her to "turn around", of course.

_I'm just a poor boy (Poor boy)  
I need no sympathy _

Yeah, he really was a poor boy now. Back then, he had thought that it would be easy to keep on going like nothing had happened. He had supressed he need to reinstate their relationship, told himself that he only maintained it to finally fullfill Shelby's wish. He didn't need sympathy, not from girl like that, didn't he?

_Because I'm easy come, easy go _

She was just one in the long row of girls he had had, wasn't she?

_Little high, little low  
Any way the wind blows  
Doesn't really matter to me, to me _

No, it really didn't matter what had happened with her. She wasn't any special to him, so it didn't matter what happened to her.

_Mama just killed a man_  
_Put a gun against his head_  
_Pulled my trigger, now he's dead_

He had told her that. Not in words, of course. It wasn't like he couldn't have done that, but actions spoke louder than words, didn't they? Well, he hadn't had a gun. Nonetheless had his actions been as effective as a gun. When she stood there, helplessly, shocked by having eggs flying towards her, on the edge of a break down, he had let his actions speek. Telling her that he had indeed loved her, just was to tell her what she had triggered by doing that all to him. He had put every ounce of feeling in his throw. She wasn't to be pittied, he had told himself while he watched how the egg yolk ran over her face, her throat. He had killed her. Just like that.

_Mama, life has just begun  
But now I've gone and thrown it all away _

It had been all right after that, he told himself, like she never had interfered with his life. He simply had gotten back into the routine of rehearsing and not the questioned, although following Shelby's orders concerning their performance. "But obviously, it isn't allright, isn't? Otherwise there wouldn't be that much to think about…", that little voice in his head told him. Yes, he had been depressed when he had to break up with her to return to Vocal Adrenaline. Yes, he was still depressed, but what did it change? He couldn't do anything about, anyway.

_Mama, ooh  
Didn't mean to make you cry _

He had been devestated right after that egg-fight; he knew that at least Shelby didn't approve of it, his mother wouldn't have, too. Throwing eggs at a vegan was more than cruel.

_If I'm not back again this time tomorrow  
Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters _

No, when they would be the winners in a hour or so, there would be not need to keep on thinking about her. He would never ever see her – it was very unlikely that she could or would follow , anyway, it wouldn't be his concern anymore and the same applied to Shelby, who of course still was her mother, but had no direct conection with her.

_Too late, my time has come_  
_Sends shivers down my spine_  
_Body's aching all the time_  
_Goodbye, everybody_  
_I've got to go_  
_Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth_

Yeah, he would leave. As soon as he had his high school-dimploma in his pocket, there would be no frontiers left for him. Nonthing and no one would ever been allowed to is heart. He would develop an amour of ice to keep his heart save.

_Mama, oooooooh (Anyway the wind blows)  
I don't want to die  
Sometimes wish I'd never been born at all _

No, he didn't want to die because of a broken heart, neither physically, nor emotionally. Never. Ever. ever again would he allow someone to cast that much of misery upon himself. Everything would have been wonderful, if he never had come to Lima.

_[Guitar Solo]_

_I see a little silhouetto of a man_  
_Scaramouch, Scaramouch, will you do the Fandango_

No, he couldn't mask it that good. Naturaly the audience would not ever get through his showface, neither would his fellow members see it. He finally admitted that he had done what he had critized when she had shown that trait. Yey, he was little. There wouldn't be a flamenco of emotions, since he had drawn such a straight line, that she had no chance to get back to him.

_Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very frightening me  
(Galileo) Galileo (Galileo) Galileo, Galileo Figaro _

He was in fact a great performer; he knew it, she knew, everyone knew it, He was bright and brilliant and his grades couldn't get better anymore, but what had it brought him?

_Magnifico-o-o-o-o  
I'm just a poor boy nobody loves me _

He didn't deserve to ask for any kind of romantic love…Unfortunately it was just a tiny fraction claiming that, the rest joined in the mockering of his role. Everybody liked him, they girls, the boys, the audience, teacher, the headmaster, there were so many who loved him.

_He's just a poor boy from a poor family  
Spare him his life from this monstrosity _

He didn't want to live a life with a scared heart. Why couldn't she just have left him alone? He would only have pursued his plan, and everything would have been fine. Maybe not for her, but that wouldn't have mattered to him. Why couldn't he just left alone?

_Let him go_  
_Bismillah! We will not let you go_  
_Let him go_  
_Bismillah! We will not let you go_  
_Let me go (Will not let you go)_  
_Let me go (Will not let you go) (Never, never, never, never)_  
_Let me go, o, o, o, o_  
_No, no, no, no, no, no, no_

_Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?_  
_Bismillah! No, we will not let you go_

He wanted them to accept that he couldn't do it anymore, the last weeks had been so much pain from the heartache he suffered from. He would never admit that openly, but was in fact, what he felt. Why should god interfere with that? There was no reason; she had used him, he had used her. She used him to get back a reputation about which no one cared, he used her to get back the same. Again the same of doing things. It could have worked out so amazingly.

_(Oh mama mia, mama mia) Mama Mia, let me go_  
_Beelzebub has the devil put aside for me, for me, for me!_

Yeah, he deserved whatever would come to punish him. He looked forward to that upcoming akward episode in his life. The (probably) love of his life lost to a dumb quarterback; completely defeated. Of course, when he would win, it would boost his ego, or at least his musical ego, but he himself would remain empty.

_So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye_

His anger returned at once when he saw her standing, watching. Had he, before he had spotted her, even considered to get over her, or at least try it, was he now in a total rage. Why had she to always remind him that he couldn't get over her? He couldn't have her, but neither could lose the dream of being together with her. She was such a pain in the neck. He had tried for weeks to forget her, and suddenly she was standing there, as if nothing had happened, as if Quinn wasn't getting her baby and everyone else had left. No, she had to stand there, in the spotlight, where else? He loved her so badly; it rendered him furious, seeing her standing there. He put all his hate for the fact that they couldn't ment their broken relationship into his singing; belting the phrases, telling everyone who was listening that it wasn't just a normal performance. She had done wrong first, had stoned him with that clip and the fact that she had allowed something that intimate not only to be made public, but also had did it with his rivals. He couldn't ignore those stings of jealousy.

_So you think you can love me and leave me to die_

And after that? She couldn't understand why she should be sorry for what she had been doing. Being a genius like she was, too, he could indentify to some point. Nonetheless she had left him to die. Die a slow death by heartache. He had been so disappointed in her, that he had feared she would redo such a mistake. She thought she loved him, but in fact, he loved her. Although also ego crazed, he would never have done anything like that to his girlfriend. Nor would he, if he did it, just leave it to be, pursuing a policy of "None of this ever happened".

_Oh, baby, can't do this to me, baby_  
_Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here_

That look on her face…she was regretting splitting up, he could see, could see her eyes become shiny with tears, although it shouldn't have been possible for him to see that. He had to get out; out of Lima, out of Carmel High, out of Ohio. As far away from her as possible. No, she couldn't do that to him, she wasn't allowed! His anger returned again. He wished, he could just jump from the stage, run over to her and tell her his opinion, show what she had done to him, since she obviously considered only herself to be the victim. He had to focus, they wouldn't win it otherwise.

_[Guitar Solo]_  
_(Oooh yeah, Oooh yeah)_

_Nothing really matters_  
_Anyone can see_  
_Nothing really matters_  
_Nothing really matters to me_

He had returned to the normal Vocal Adrenaline-way of singing and performing. Like a robot, he sang those lines and wondered if that would be how it would feel like in the upcoming years. Cold, empty,hurt. It, didn't matter, he couldn't stand it anymore; returning to his robotic style had been the only way to put on that mask of coldness without arousing suspicion. She looked even more hurt. Did she understand him that bad after all?

_Any way the wind blows..._

_~.~_

**So? What do you think? _"Argh, screw ya, don't torture us anymore with that bad style of yours!" _or _"It was kinda good, so go on!"_? Tell me:) Because Reviews are love :D and otherwise I won't know whether to go on or not :)**

**Oh, and check my project together with SeverusKatze. It ain'this fandom, but maybe you'll like it :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi again:9 Here I am, writing a new chapter and an A/N at this hilarious timeo.0 (It's 2.05 am here right now) Although I should either be sleeping or learning for a religious ed. exam today:D Doesn't matter, I plot bunny lolloped into my thoughts while reading an article about Paria, so here you are :D And now the real A/N:**

**Wow o.0 So many people reading this and even reviewing o.o I'm amazed, I didn't think people would pay attention to this, because everyday there are a hundred new stories added plus old ones getting new chapters o.o Well, you convinced me to continue, and since I already had thought of the idea _tammy _had, here you are:) By the way, I'm glad that I could help you to maintain your hope in this pairing _vampire gyrl_. I read that Jesse would appear again in the 2nd part of the 2nd season :) *glee* As for_ SnowGirl098_ I'm also not that good in analyzing:D Just felt like that:) Thanks for your support^^ Oh and since I'm still no native speaker, I would appreciate it if you kindly ingore my mistakes for I don't really have time to re-read everything and no beta (- Want to volunteer? PM me:) Your advantage: You get to read the story before the rest :D):) So, enjoy, this time it's Rachel and again I altered some parts slightly. Oh, and I re-watched the part with Rachel seeing Jesse performing, so I hope I didn' t mess this one up:) (And I don't know whether my Rachel interpretation is good)**

**Disclaimer: **Unfortunately, I belong to the majority of people who don't have a share in the copyrights of glee. Otherwise I wouldn't write fanfiction about it and there would also be no change of cast after the 2nd season. And no, "Bohemian Rhapsody" still doesn't belong to me. It's still owned by Queen:D

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Bohemian Rhapsody

~.~

Everything rushed past her. After they had finished their performance, Quinn had gone into labor. Then the chaos had started, since nobody had expected it to happen so soon. She had just followed the rest of the club, but had stopped when they reached the door. No, she couldn't go, not now. Who would be there to collect the trophy if they had made it to 2nd place? And where was the sense in following the rest? Of course, Quinn was going to have her baby, but it wasn't like they were best friends or even close friends. Maybe Quinn would ask Mercedes to stand by her side, Puck would be there and surely her mother, who had joined them on their way out. There was no reason for her to go with them to the hospital, she also would only sit in the waiting area together with the others and do what one is supposed to do in that area, wait. Eitherway, she was much too upsat to go with them, or even wait in a hospital while she knew that she could see Jesse one more time. Yes, Quinn would get her baby although she wasn't there to support her, but the chance of seeing Jesse again with him graduating High School, was very unlikely. Quinn was important, Jesse even more.

She hadn't seen him since that egg-attack. He hadn't bothered to IM, text, phone, mail or even PM her to apologize for that incident. She, on the other hand, had felt too much hurt to contact him abyway. So, they hadn't have any contact at all, after breaking up in such a nasty way. He hadn't felt it necessary to inform her, that he was transferring back to Carmel High. She couldn't stand him anymore! He had been such a jerk. His final move, letting his friends throw eggs at her and then glorify himself in front of them by throwing the last one in her face, had finished her off. He had told her, he loved her, but then again he just split up, without getting the things between them clear. And him having that tornamented look on this face before throwing his egg didn't mean a thing. Maybe he had felt bad, for he had was about to land a massive punch on the daughter of his mentor. She didn't know, didn't want to know the reason for him acting like that. He was just a treacherous moron, who had deliberately shattered her heart, whithout thinking. How she hated him, she couldn't put those feelings into proper words. She was furious, had been furious, since it had occurred to her, that he had wanted to shatter her and her ego, so she would be distracted during rehearsals and their final performance, leading Glee Club into defeat. Of course, right after the attack, she had been crying like mad. Not only had he finalized their break-up in such a violant and brutal wa, she hadn't even thought him to be capable of, but also had practically killed a little chicken in her face. When she had got home, speeding up into her room, she had finally realized what the whole mess meant. She wouldn't see him anymore, maybe when Vocal Adrenaline would perform, but never again on private terms. This big load of missunderstandings, false competition and no real sincerity would forever be between them.

At first, she had forced herself to believe that their still was a way to cure all those problems, but finally she had opened her eyes to the truth. Even though they matched a hundred percent, and definetely were meant together, they would never have a romantic relationship ever again. And if it wasn't for them both, it was for her dads, who had been near to turn into July's father in that infamous clip she had made together with Puck, Jesse and Finn.

"Sorry, Miss? Are you alright?"

"Wh-What?"

"You've been standing here for almost twenty minutes. I was worried, whether you are ok."

Twenty minutes? It couldn't have been twenty minutes after all, couldn't it? But then…oh no, no doubt Jesse was performing right now.

"Are Vocal Adrenaline on stage, yet?"

"Oh, they just went on stage a minute ago?"

No,no,no! That couldn't be, she couldn't forfeit the last chance to see him!

"Thank you so much!", she quickly answered and then hurried back towards the doors of the auditorium.

Why had there to be so many stairs? She felt like Cinderalla, except for the fact that she wasn't running away from her prince, but trying to catch one last sight of him. Quietly she opened the door. Luckily, there had been no usher, so she simply could get in. After carefully shutting the door, she turned to be faced with something she hadn't expected. Of course, she knew that VA was good, otherwise they wouldn't have won three titles in a row, would they? Nethertheless, nothing could have prepared her for what she saw.

The audience was on fire. Peolple were holding glow sticks, waving them with the beat. She didn't know where they had got them from, for most people who attend Show Choir Nationals won't bring glow sticks, but she suspected that VA had handed them out to the audience during the pause between the two acts. After all, they had the money for an action like that.

However, she was even more deverstated by what she heard and saw. Vocal Adrenaline was what its name exclaimed; it was like hearing pure adrenaline. Anyhow, they still seemed like robots, performing like machines, without a flaw in their dancing and singing. They were just too perfect and cold, for her taste. At that, the audience seemed to love them. Suddenly, she was sure, they would win. When she arrived, they were just doing the second bridge, guitars howled and then Jesse started to sing. She could feel the chills running down her spine. He never had sung like that, not even anywhere near to it. She had expected him to sing as soullessly as the rest, maybe a little bit more animated, but never would she have thought him to able to thing like that. But then again had she recently had to learn the hard way that she didn't know as she had thought to know about him. When she looked up, she realized, that he must have spotted her the moment she had entered, although she didn't know how that would have been possible that fast. It was like always, one of them appeared and the other would immediately know it. They had joked a lot about it, because it really had been bizarre.

_So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye_

There was so much venom in his voice, she couldn't bear to her it, she wanted to turn at once and leave. Still, she stayed. She was fascinated by him, by the way he radiated emotion, something she never had seen before. He always had seemed so calm, especially when they had sung together. There was so much power in his voice, for once he used his voice and music as a medium to share feelings, he probably couldn't express otherwise. She could understand why the people had already been so moved, when she had entered, Jesse put so much force into the song, that one couldn't be indifferent. No, how could she fall for him again? Fall for him again? Dear, you never fell apart! That voice again, she wondered whether all other people also sometimes had that little voice to tornament them. Most time, that voice made her angry since it stated the obvious, she was trying to ignore or supress. The only problem was, that it was always right. But then she remembered what he had just sung to her. Wait. So he though that she of all people had stoned him? She had supported him, they had been on the same level, equals because of their talents. She had done everything for him, even jeopardized her already fragile relationship with the club. And after all, she hadn't been the one throwing eggs at him, not that it would have mattered to him, except maybe that it might have felt gross for him, having the slimy substances running down his neck. She even had offered his virginity to him, and it hadn't been enough? Fine. She didn't need him anyway and their relationship was long gone. – Are you trying to convince yourselve? Because you'r doing a terrible job at that! - She didn't bother to answer the voice. Having conversations in her mind with herself…she wasn't that desperate. Anyway, what did he want to tell her by dancing like that with those dumb little chorus girls? That he could have every girl he wanted? Dream on!

_So you think you can love me and leave me to die_

Those girls were clearly exploiting the situation, so was he. It made her think of their

"Push It" performance, although compared to this, they hadn't been near to be as offensive as Jesse and his little sluts. And what? He accused her of loving him and then leaving him to die? He dared to blame her for him using her to spy on New Directions and getting on better grounds with Shelby? She couldn't even laugh about it. That was so pathetic. Nonetheless he seemed to be serious about it; the hatred on his features left no space to misinterpret that. How could he be so cruel? She had tried to keep their realtionship going, while he had isolated himself more and more. She couldn't believe it. If anyone was to blame for their finally failing relationship, he was. And leave him to die? She hadn't done that. He had left her and left her to metaphorically die. He had been the only person who really understood her and her talent. The only person she could speak to and who wouldn't laugh at her. He had been the only person she ever had really opened up and shared her deepest thoughts with. When he threw the egg in her face and before that, he had made it clear that he didn't love her anymore. So why was he mourning? There was no reason for him to do so. He was the bad person, not she. As if he would die? She doubted that ever had loved her as deeply as she had.

_Oh, baby, can't do this to me, baby_  
_Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here_

And again she was the only one to blame, or what? How he was spitting those words at her, not caring that he destroyed what little composure she had left. So menacingly telling her to leave. It was as if he had shot darts, dipped in a poison, that lets you die very slowly but suffer immediately too much pain to bear, straight into her heart. He addressed directly, not caring for the audience or anyone else present, than her. She could feel, how her heart slowly was eaten away by the venom he had placed there, how it slowly dissolved. She wanted to turn, to run away, to get into a car and just keep on driving, until the sound of his voice, so furious and wrathful, that he had put in her ears, would leave her be. There was so much hurt in his face, but why? She couldn't understand it. Hadn't he just sung, that he didn't need her, that he hated her very being? Hadn't he cockily exclaimed that he didn't love her anymore?

_[Guitar Solo]_  
_(Oooh yeah, Oooh yeah)_

Their dancing seemed like turning into the madness and the fury he sang of, befored it calmed down, as did the music.

Nothing really matters

She couldn't bear it anymore. Tears were starting to course down her jowls. She didn't want him to see them. She was too moved by his performance, too moved by her final realization of what and whom she had lost forever. A person, so talented, so understanding, so compassive. In a word perfect, perfect for her. She turned away, while he started to sing that part of the song that didn't seem to fit after the big proclamation of hatred and bile before. She left.

_Anyone can see_  
_Nothing really matters_  
_Nothing really matters to me_

And therefore she couldn't see the longing glance he darted at her, when she left the auditorium.

_Any way the wind blows..._

~.~

**And wow, another chapter:) Yey^^ I hope you liked it^^ Well, I'll return to my Paria Article and then try to learn something about Brahmans or so:D And yey, the new Episode was aired yesterday^^ ****Well, anyhow, please tell me what you think about this - What you like and what you don't like:) **

_**"'Coz writing with Emmi is like kissing Emmi" - Leo Leike (Gut gegen Nordwind (Good against North Wind))**_

**And therefore, good night:)**


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